It is much healthier to ask yourself, "why am I okay with this?" and "what do I do about it," not, "what do these mixed signals mean? As a therapist, my single clients and friends often ask me what might be happening in their relationships when they get "mixed signals" or "mixed messages." First, let's define what this means.
The mixed signals mean one of two things: When a member of the opposite sex is not that into you, they may actually be ambivalent.
Ambivalence is a state of having simultaneous, conflicting reactions or feelings towards something (hint: that "something" is you! They may believe that there are both positive and negative aspects to you and the relationship.
Law defines this concept as "a confusing message made uncertain by serving to multiple interpretations at the same time." Similarly, Barron's Business Dictionary at calls this phenomenon an "unclear message; usually two contradicting messages." These similar definitions indicate that there is a general consensus as to what mixed signals are, but they don't explain why they happen to us or what we can do about them!
We seem to be able to tell when we are receiving mixed signals, but we do not always know what they mean.
If instead your partner shuts down further or sends even more mixed messages, this can trigger your anxiety and fruitless attempts to get the relationship on track. Many people chalk up their relationship difficulties to "poor communication." I believe that unless your partner is speaking in a second language, there is no reason that a mature adult can't speak clearly and directly.
Do you really want to be with someone who sends mixed signals?
If someone can't at least be grown-up and honest enough to directly tell you that they are feeling ambivalent or confused, it may be time to reconsider continuing the relationship.
If you are with someone with an "insecure attachment style," this most likely means that he or she is dismissive of the need for intimacy or fearful of intimacy and closeness in relationships.
Dear Ronnie – The Dating Coach I’ve been talking to this cute guy for three months.
We have gone out a few times and it’s been a blast.
You may have someone who is not capable of commitment in this circumstance.