The other person has “been there, done that, got the t-shirt” too. My current definition involves two people who have a common and merged vision, who communicate it openly and who take steps daily to strengthen and support that bond.
Without necessarily disclosing the names of all previous lovers and interactions, it is important that a partner know if there are others still in your life. Of course, these are inquiries that take place over time and not all at once on a first date.
The professional interviewer in me laughs at the Ally Mc Beal internal dialog absurdity of that scenario.
A foolproof way to ensure that conversation will always be flowing is to simply your date things, although—given the fact that we never know how comfortable others are with casual conversation—that might be easier said than done. Where exactly do you live in [insert your city or town here]? Questions over the first drink should be an equal mix of inquisitive and casual, and should allow you to start gauging his or her true personality.
The trick to successfully vetting a prospect on a first date, while simultaneously keeping the energy light and fun, is knowing what questions to ask and how to ask them. What are their likes and dislikes, what do you have in common, what does he or she do in their spare time?
Control, abuse, addiction, emotional manipulation, my own co-dependent tendencies taking hold, selling my soul for love, financial irresponsibility, lying, expectation that I act as caregiver and primary emotional strength in the relationship and that I clean up the “messes,” literally or symbolically.
It’s my take that relationship breakdown has a better chance of occurring because we don’t ask certain questions from the get-go and instead, make assumptions that love is enough to sustain it. I am a big believer in full disclosure; knowing that there is a difference between secrecy and privacy. If you won the lottery tomorrow, what’s the first thing you’d buy? If you could be any person for a day, who would it be? Do you have any fun plans for the rest of the weekend? If you’re confident, ask if she or he would like to continue the date someplace else. ) alternate ending to the night rather than simply going your separate ways after drinks or dinner. There’s this cool bar I know around here, want to go grab a drink? Want to get coffee/dessert after this somewhere else? My friend’s actually having a party a few blocks away, do you wanna stop by? Although my parents came from “different sides of the track,” with divergent socio-economic background, love and that intention sustained their nearly 52 year marriage.